I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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