The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
