and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
