Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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