just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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