yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
