My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There r osticjed everywhere
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
