Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
