Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize