We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
