im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
