She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
