I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
