Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
