Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
