its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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