Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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