I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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