dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
