don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
