remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
