I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize