tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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