you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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