i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
