Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
