I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
