I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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