just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
