Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
