and you said cock pushups were impossible
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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