i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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