WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
