when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
