In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize