You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it was like eating out sand paper
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
