i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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