well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
