Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
