just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
