Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
