I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
