I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
