Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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