i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
