Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Is Oprah even human
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
