I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
