in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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