u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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