I cockslap morals
I have demons in me.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
