I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
