coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Success! We fucked roommates!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
