"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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