I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
