That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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