No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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