So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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