out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
