All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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