When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
