Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
