They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
