i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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