Plan B is the new Plan A
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
