we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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