Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
