I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
