i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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