ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
