'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
