okay pat passed out under dana's car
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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