Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
