Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
