Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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