Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
