nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
