the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
